A Day to Remember

Memories fade. It's the nature of these type things. So, I need to write this down before I forget the fine details of one of the best days of my life to date.

As you can imagine, coming home from months abroad is a memorable experience in itself. As highly anticipated as it was I could have never dreamed it would be like this.

Not an hour went by, the last few weeks of my stay in Africa, that I didn't think about what seeing her again would be like. Of course, I couldn't wait to see her and hold her. She had been there for me this whole time and now I would be seeing her live and in person.

I was worried that I might feel differently when I saw her again, that I wouldn't feel the same as I did in those few passionate weeks before I shipped out. I knew I loved her and would be glad to see her but wasn't sure if the magic would still be there.

I couldn't help but fantasize over the moment I would see her again. I wanted to sweep her off her feet and never let her touch the gourd again. This added more pressure as it greatly increased the anticipation and my anxiety about the reunion.

When I finally saw her, after an hour of wondering around the almost empty Cleveland airport, it was like I was seeing for the first time in real life something that had only existed in my dreams. My dreams didn't do her justice. I couldn't believe that this angel was mine... and she was just as overwhelmed and nervous as I was.

In her high heel boots, fluffy pink coat that matched her shinny pink lip gloss she held up a colorful sign with my name on it that she made herself. She cut all the letters out of colored construction paper with an execto knife she proudly told me. I was very proud of that as well. I felt so loved and by someone I loved with all my heart.

We held hands and wondered around the airport... we didn't know where we where going... we didn't care.

It was so much better than I could have hoped and our relationship was better than before. So all in all, a pretty good day I'd say :)

What's Left?

When I look around I see nothing worth emulating. I see disatar, divorce, disease and just plain bad examples. I hear advice from wise men and then read of how they made secret deals and decisions that goes against their own advice. I hear stories of fiends who's weddings I went to in just the past few years already marriages have ended in divorce. Another friend's partets after 24 years of marriage are separated, he is with his new girlfriend in another state and she is broken and alone.

I'm afraid to ask for relationship advice because I dread the day my mentors call me broken and needing a place to stay while they figure out to do with the kids. Nothing seems soiled.

Is marriage an illusion?

I don't know. Maybe. All I have is control over who I am. I can control what I think and do. I make my own decisions. The warnings are clear. This is easy to screw up! This may be work and involves an amount of risk.

A Cafe Conversation

Yesterday, due to lack of space at the local cafe, I ended up surrounded by a gaggle undergraduates. All girls, all Christians, all ready to talk about everything and anything. The conversation quickly headed to boys and relationships. I just worked on my computer and pretended not to be listening. But of course I was, to one degree or another.

"I'm stil looking for him, I know God has it all worked out but I'm still looking." One girl exclaimed happily.

"I'm not searching at all, he should find me, that's how it should be... I don't want a man I have to pursue anyway!" another said, in a more somber and almost cynical tone. The other girls seemed to agree... or at leaste go along with it.

In a very excited and forward manner the girl sitting next to me almost shouted "I'm in a relationship actually" as if she had been keeping that in the whole conversation and couldn't hold it in any long and just burst!

"It's relatively new" she continued, "but we love each other" this statement commanded all of our attention.

"Is he the one you think?" someone asked.

"I don't know... BUT I talk to him about it not too long ago and he told me 'I'm trusting the entire matter to God, if he wants us together than we'll be together, if not, then His will be done'"

The whole group let out this love sick sigh. "That's so cute", one said and the others odiously and unanimously agreed.

"I know right?! I've never had a man that seeks God's will before his own"



Thing is, I've used those words many times. "Let's let God decided, His will before ours"

I never really meant it though, it was just easier than saying, "That's not what I want"

I see the two phrases as interchangeable or did, rather.

I wasn't lying either. God knew just as well as I did that those relationships, partnerships, project and whatever else wouldn't work out. It's just I did know the plan because I decided it.

I really felt bad for the girl. I mean, I don't know her that well and do not know the man she was talking about but my gut reaction to the statement was "honey, you're being played!"

FLASH BACK..

I was at dinner one night five or six years ago and being asked what my philosophy on dating was. I said, "I'm waiting for God to work something out" everyone at the table seem to think that was a splendid idea and commended me for thinking on such a level. That is everyone except the senior Pastor who happened to be sitting across from me.

He told me, "you'll be waiting a long time if that's your plan"

Shocked by this response from one of the most God fearing and God seeking men I know, I asked "So then what should I do??"

What he said next has stuk with me till now. "Date people, try and figure it out. Once you think you found her, pray about it for sure and then pursue her with everything you have... oh, and once you have her don't stop."

THE LONG AND SHORT OF IT.

We need to seek God in all things but we should never use that as cover to do our own thing. Further more, indecision is often not from God and I would be very cautions of people who don't do things, good things, because God hasn't given them specific direction. God gave you a mind and the ability to make choices. It's good to make informed decisions and have God's blessing in all we do but God WILL NEVER make a decision for you! That's not the kind of God he is, that is NOT love!

Love and Commitment

I believe that commitment allows us to love better!

Commitment should come before how we feel any given moment.

For example, "I would never cheat on my girlfriend because I am happy and I'll never meet a girl who would or could ever fill that void as well and as completely as her"

That's good but that's not enough.

I made a decision to love her and fill this roll in her life. It was a wise decision that I'm very proud of. God has blessed me!

Just incase a rouge day may come that I don't feel the same as I do today, I made a promise to be her's and her's alone. I made the choice to love her every day, even when I don't feel like it, for whatever reason. That commitment to "us" is why I act the way I act. It's the reason I will always be her's.

A relationship should be a major source of peace in the lives of both parties. We are humans; spiritual creatures that are always changing. Relationships should grow and change but also provide an anchor point.

A Needed Wait

6 months ago at a coffee shop in Cleveland I was told by a girl that she wasn't ready for a relationship and that I probably wasn't either. Which was, in all honesty, very true.

Today, 6 months later, sitting across from the same girl, holding both of my hands my girlfriend told me "thank you for waiting".

I knew I needed write about this but I didn't exactly know about what aspect to write. How it was worth the wait? How hard it was at times? How happy I am at this very moment that we both waited? How cool my God is for giving us the desires of our hearts?

Actually, I think the most important thing that I need to share is how necessary those 6 months were for me. I needed to really grasp how important commitment was. How volnruble I needed to make yourself to make an honest attempt at loving someone else. 6 month ago I wasn't ready. I would have gotten hurt or worse, I would have hurt her.

I am in love and thanks to God and an amazing girl I have the capacity to love. I don't have this all figured out, I don't know what's next or what tomorrow hold but I do know that what we have started is real and worth investing a life time.

I would like a new brain please!

I think I've ruined this brain. Filled it with filth. Created all kinds of twisted patterns. Like leaving a very expensive tuxedo in the mud and rain for several weeks, far past salvaging. My mind seems to have even turned on it's own body as well.

Lord Jesus, please, pick me up out of the mud. Take me in. Remove the stains. Iron me straight and add starch so I don't go back to how I was. Make me like new! Make me useable again!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Eagle Cir,Elyria,United States

The 7 Minute Storm

The sunset this afternoon preached a sermon to me. It had rained for like 7 minutes earlier and I was a little pissed as I had plans to wash my car and detail it. As it always goes, I get it all sudded up and it starts to rain. It wasn't long after that the window shades in the house began to glow this bright orangeshish peach color. Very odd looking but very pretty. So I make my way to the front porch to find the most spectacular sunset I have seen in to 9 months I've lived here. It was one of those sights that makes you think about things. It was a little embarrassing even to think that I was actually upset about what was necessary to cause this breathtaking sight. People are now coming out of their houses and taking walk down the street just to take it all in. I can't help but think about my impending 6 month interment in Africa. How I know it's what I want to do and it's God's plan. How much it's going to suck to leave the comforts of America. How much it's going to hurt to leave Caitie for that long. But how necessary it is, the 7 minute storm. Without it the most beautiful sunsets would not happen.